so i'm here to post.
I was asked about whether I had a New Year's resolution, and to be honest, at some point in my life, I just completely forgot about the tradition, and it's not because I can't keep a resolution, because.. I have very good stamina and determination.. It's more like, I try to make myself shift and engage in metamorphosis in every-day life already. There is one specific thing I'm aiming towards this year though, so I guess I have a New Year's resolution.. and that is to try and speak my mind. I'm sure a lot of people who have met me and got to know me some, think that I am just this kinda dumb-acting, directions-following duckling type of character. That's not necessarily true. I'm quite scared of revealing the things that I echo in my head through my mouth... I'm sure people would think I am very very very opinionated. Like say, when someone asks me what grade I got on an exam. I would think about it and answer " oh you know.. I did okay.. I didn't fail." <-- that type of typical vague answer you would expect. In my head I am thinking " dude. mind your own business. my grade isn't going to change yours. go live your own life while I plan out and live mine. " Now if I said that, the person who asked would probably think " wtf is up with tiffany? what a B!$@#" yeah... so I've been totally used to keeping things to myself, and bottled up. however, that really isn't the best option sometimes. Some situations call for a loud voice to say the damn right truth.... I'm stuck in one of those situations, hopefully I can work up some strength to spill the truth. Fear is nothing really. Fear comes from being alone, but I know I have people who will be by my side no matter what I end up spitting out of my mouth. Anyway, how can I ever conquer fear, if I let fear get the best of me, and not even try. Humans are all-powerful to a great extent. Fear is conquerable. No doubt.
Now, about my title.
I really do lead a double life. A plane ride across the ocean shifts everything. In America, I'm the sophomore Berkeley student trying not to fail every class I've signed up for. In China, I'm the performer that's rushed from the makeup room to the costume room to backstage. In America, I'm the girl who's in two choirs, and puts singing before everything. In China, I'm the girl that trains like crazy in order to get her voice out there.
Definitely, It's a struggle balancing both worlds, and trying to keep these worlds apart, instead of tipping over into each other. School is school; Dream chasing is dream chasing. Sometimes it makes me crazy because China world needs America world to space out according to it, but America world is just as important as China world. I've hated, I've annoyed, I've yelled.
But.. I think I'm beginning to get a handle on things.. and I've realized that I truly do have the best of both worlds. I get to sing to the population of one world, and I get to go to school and study what I want. I get to meet amazing, wonderful people with the same dream as I, and I get to join in prayer and praise with fellow friends and family.
Life is actually quite simple.. It only seems complex because we as humans are complicated, filled with complex thought. Simplicity at times perplex us, and we refuse to believe that we can make our lives wonderful and easy. Of course, just because life is simple doesn't mean there aren't ups and downs. Even a simple melody has it's turns and jumps, because those are what make things interesting.
I'm happy with who I am right now, and I want to keep working hard to reach my dreams, because it's so close it's exciting. Just a few more pushes, and I know I can grasp it within my hand.
I love my life that is filled with two worlds.
I am lucky. Some people only get one world.
