I realize it happens anyway. All of us are born with this weird outlook of life, that if anything seems to go wrong... it has to do with a part of us that caused a break in the perfect life we're supposed to have. Either that, or we blame someone else, but I'm sure most of us are more.. self-depricating than.. irresponsible. When it comes to happiness, we as human believe that it is in our own hands, so when that little delicate piece of emotion called happiness crumbles in the palm of our hands, we immediately think " what have I done?"
The strange thing is.. 90% of the time, all we did is try to mend a teeny tiny crack that may cause unhappiness, and in the process of mending it, we somehow notice that the crack becomes a crater, a black hole... either from our own futile doings, or.. it was just absolutely inevitable. We blame ourselves for it anyway, which isn't very logical.. Think about it.. Why would anyone want to take his/her own happiness away? Nobody wants that, as.. fundamental as it is, when something goes wrong, we somehow switch to the perspective of a person falling away from the grasps of life, and we think... we wanted to do this terrible act to ourselves. Hey! snap out of it. haha. we're not masochists.... not when it comes to this abstract noun.
I have come to find myself wondering that exact outlook I'm trying to rebut right now. What Have I Done. Honestly. For a while, things were... wonderful... impeccably wonderful, and if not that, it was.. damn close. I would wake up everyday... with a smile on my face.. and I would tell myself... this is.. what.. life at its prime.
The thing is, I think that period of time.. wasn't normal. It was ABNoRMALLY good.
something should've signaled in my head: " you're young. this prime of life thing, isn't supposed to hit you until you've learned enough about life.. which you obviously haven't.. watch it!"
Truthfully.. I think.. happiness.. should be fairly easy to achieve.. I mean.. what we perceive of occurrences, and life, is what is evoked in our emotions.. So.. if we just altered our outlook a bit, smiled a bit more, and most importantly, act as who we are while doing it.. happiness will come knocking on your door. Although of course, if we truly are unhappy, then.. there's no reason to hide it. Sometimes.. we just have to.. solve the problem.. pour the negativity out.. achieve that balance between.. good vs. bad. Just like.. biological homeostasis, our.. emotions have to find that medium as well.
About being ourselves. It's difficult isn't it? I've always found that.. people who dare to be themselves are those that have.. the greatest amount of courage. Technically, all of us put on this unconscious façade, to try to fit society's image of each and every one of us. Who we are supposed to be. Those that have courage stand up, rebel, and give society the finger = individuality is what leads to happiness, being yourself is what.. gives you strength. Why fit into a cookie cutter frame? Trivial happiness seems so.. miniscule and infinitesimal when compared to the ultimate happiness found in being comfortable with who we are.. True happiness. that's what individuality brings us. So. why is this task so hard?
Because society invades every inch of our lives. The girl you see walking past you in the morning when you go to school, the distant family member that hasn't seen you a while, the old man sitting at the bench waiting for the bus. Nobody honestly believes that humans don't judge, right? We do it. subliminally. you may not release the opinions you have, but as long as those opinions are formed, congrats, you just judged. So with all of these opinions smacking us in the face, it's like.. having.. these weird alcoholic drivers targeting you with their car as you're trying to reach your goal of individuality. So you wind off path, sometimes, you may go a little too far...and something tells me you expect me to shun the going off path thing. Nope. not at all. We all sway.. haha. it's a difficult journey. Of course we will sway, we will be lured by the idea of "fitting in." The thing is.. Individuality doesn't necessarily have to be equivalent to loneliness...
We can be happy being who we are, while having things in common with others. I mean. come on, we're all human, something tells no matter HOW different you are, you have something that somebody else also has. You just may not be using the right trait or.. interest to match with others. Hm. Comme Edna Pontellier dans The Awakening..
She was confronted with two opposite sides of the societal spectrum: Reisz who was.. intimidatingly individualistic, yet lonely.
and.. Adele Ratignolle who was basically a little rag doll under societal control, though she had many "friends" ( i quote this because. something tells me these friends won't stick with her if she were in real deep shit). And.. Edna chose.. neither. She chose to go her own way, although.. her representation was a bit drastic. Don't kill yourself. haha. Her suicide is.. interpreted as.. either an accomplishment, in that she retained her own self-being, while finding happiness, Or as defeat, since she seemed to run away. Find who you are, and.. BE that person. But remember, don't lock yourself from others. Trust me. There's something that links us all together. So go for it. Be yourself, and be happy all at the same time (:
Tirez le Bonheur de l'Individualité. c'est la vie.
