discretions. discretions. discretions

Once in a while, I'll wake up in the morning, and it won't be any trivial morning, where all I do is wash, brush, change, makeup, leave. The special mornings I have are mornings that I wake up to my mind being overactive, helping me contemplate about things I've never had the chance to think about. I wonder what the fuck am I doing. How dare I let myself sink to the level to find generic joys and pleasures through... inebriation. I know I am better than that. There are so many things in my life that should make me want to smile, so what purpose does ethanol serve. Every time I let myself succumb to the lures of alcohol, I can feel myself sink deeper into a filthy metaphorical immoral swamp, and yet I can't stay away. Control is key. Control is important to me. I make a promise to myself: no more lack of control. My life will play out as I want it to. Distractions from fate are just distractions. Nonetheless, My life is my life.

Okay. Time for another topic, yes?

I feel like.. recently, I have forgotten what it means to be truly happy. I feel like I really have been letting every little negativity get to me. Do you other newly-exposed-to college kids feel this thing.. which I call.. BALL OF DEPRESSION. It's when all the pressure of college and .. the future kind of hits you all at once, and you feel like no matter how hard you try, nothing comes out of it. Then, you want to just stay in your dorm, skip your classes ( which i've only done once thank you, because I was sick), and stop trying. Quit school, relax as if everyday was the summer break after senior year, and just let your mind rot. Yeah, it hits you pretty hard. I think I'm ready to escape from that slump. I'm ready to go back to being YAY HAPPY TIFFANY! :D instead of why has everything been attacking me as if i'm a target tiffany. ):

You guys all like the YAY HAPPY TIFFANY :D more anyway, right?

So. here I am.

no more hiding behind the sad façade.

(: