Le Futur

Every time someone asks me, " tiffany, where are you going?" I would wish that they had not asked that. Honestly, I HAVE NO CLUE! I wish i did though, most definitely, but.. for sooth, that is of the future, and we, as nothing but regular human beings, specifically high school seniors, do not have the clairvoyant ability of prophecy. So... where do we go from here? What are we supposed to do? Wouldn't everything be a lotttt easier if.. there was some.. precedent that we can all copy and therefore, succeed? But, that would mean, we would not be individuals. Instead, we would be like... Barbies and Kens following each other in an assembly line with our only goal being the shiny plastic boxes we shall land in, so we can all be wonderfully sold. THAT would be depressing. Alas, what are we.. going to do? Well, I do not have the answer. However, personally, I am going to just.. go with my gut. Wherever i end up, is wherever i end up. I'm scared, nonetheless. 

That reminds me of a memorable quote from Bless Me, Ultima. Obviously, i do not know the actual quote verbatim. I will, however, paraphrase, and focus on the main point of the quote. It basically said, that "fear comes from what we do not know. With knowledge, fear dies away." True, no? Why are we afraid of death? We do not know what it's like...We.. do not know why it is what it is.. Why are we scared of the dark? We're not familiar with our surroundings in the dark. We lose knowledge of what can happen.. in the dark.

My grandfather told me a long time ago, because he knew that I am the type to over-analyze, and over-think.

He said, " Don't worry about the future. You don't have time for that. You need to focus on the present, and remember, don't dwindle in the past either. The present occupies 100% of your time, and that's that."

Okay, 爷爷, i shall focus on the present, and i hope, others will see the truth of the quotes i mentioned, and also will concentrate of the. "NOW" instead of the.. " LATER."

D'accord, another subject maintenant 

I really am being quite a selfish brat, and a bit of a nuisance lately. I feel like ... I'm adding piles and piles of just problems and bullshit on to his (his meaning.. well. you know, him. I'm sure you all know.. who i am talking about) already exponentially increasing mountain of work. Sometimes, when i think about it, i almost.. fall close to the emotion of resentment for his preoccupied schedule. Oh, he's very busy. Very. Extremely. Busy. I, why, I am a burden... am i not? It's just... hard for me to accept that he's so near, yet so far away. It's hard to know that he says he would be willing to make time for me, and yet, he would not do it, in reality. I'm afraid of losing him. So very afraid. Finding him, and.. "getting" him was a very long, and enduring process. I don't think i'd be able to bear throwing it all away, because.. I am bothered by these minor.. "difficult" things. I'm mad at myself for being so... moody, i guess, as.. i would put it. I shall appreciate. I promise. Truthfully, every moment with him, even if it is just hearing his voice, for minutes, seconds, or nano-seconds, those are all luxuries. Luxuries that I am afraid that i do not deserve, and yet, luxuries that remind me (uh oh. cheesy again) he is a miracle, and somehow, that i found this miracle. 

Oh gosh, so cheesy. ):

ANYYYYWAYYYSS. today is.. tuesday. Tomorrow is the PRELUDE TO SPRING CONCERT!

Also, was today, street light day of spirit week.

People were supposed to wear colors that designate their relationship status.

red = taken

yellow = dating, seeing someone

green = available

yes, i felt like such an idiot. I was DECKED OUT in red. I MEAN, DECKED OUT. HELL, my hair was even RED. But, whatever. SO WHAT if i'm PROUD, and.. HAPPY, and or show-offy that I have someone--someoneamazingasheis---to love? SOOOO FREAKING WHAT? 

okay, i'll stop being uselessly defensive.

bon soir, mes amis.

bon soir, mon amour, monsieur EK (que tu deteste)

"Vivre pour aujourd'hui, pas pour demain."