5 stages of grief.

It's amusing for me to look back on my blogs, and see how they've steered away from that particular topic as time went along. Comments about that particular topic gradually faded from the paradigm words of true feelings. No matter how slow a transition it was.. It is accomplished. Dealt. Understood.

An amazing friend of mine pointed out to me:

" You're being so pathetic. Don't you realize what the hell you're going through? It's the exact same 5 steps of mourning that widows go through, and you haven't lost anything. Actually, you should feel exuberant in release."

That. was 2 months ago.

So.

first step.

1. Denial

This.. can't be true. Everything was fine. Everything was turning out so well. It seemed like I was doing things right for once, so why the hell is everything falling apart?

2. Anger.

That's right, I was fucking pissed. It didn't make any sense to me why something I sacrificed so much for gets to be destroyed in my own hands. What kind stupid ass situation is this.

3. Bargaining.

Maybe I'll try harder. Maybe.. maybe I'll stop hoping. Maybe.. I'll just. do all I can. I would give everything that I have to offer to make it work. Deal?

4. Depression.

For nights on end, I felt so damn alone, dejected, unwanted, worthless. I wondered why, what, and how it came down to all this. What did I do to deserve it. How much I have put in to paradoxically receive this kind of consequence. Too many tears to mention.

5. Acceptance.

Fuck it, I'm stronger than that. Independence is a gift, not a condemnation. I'll utilize it to my advantage.

So I inadvertently flew through the 5 stages of grief, without ever noticing that I did.

I like moving on. New people. New feelings. New environment. New everything.

Truthfully. I didn't do anything wrong, and I believe it. I gave it my all.

And I would doubt my innocence in the matter, if it were not for confirmations from many.

But, in the end, others' opinions do not matter. It is my own that stands.

Happiness is what I make of it. I'll find happiness.

I swear, and I'll be the last one to smile, laugh.

Although, I wish for happiness too, and laughter from.. that. also.

the end.

for now.

(: