命

Since i was a little kid, i would remember my grandfather imprinting in my head the ideals of optimism. He never wanted me to look at the negativity of life, for... if i only focused on negativity, then i myself would succumb to the pessimistic dangers of the world. Yet, sometimes i can't help but return to the depression that i've had in my hard times. It's strange. Sometimes, the world just seems to be not as bright and beautiful as it had been in my childhood. What happened to the world that is technically my playground? Obviously, it is still there.. hidden in my grave thoughts. I just got to remind myself to keep an open mind, and move on.

Honestly, I am so scared of life. Most people are afraid of death, but... isn't life much more fear instilling?

Think about it.. our one move can change the future... our one thought of the past can keep us locked. I have no clue what i'm doing in my life. I don't even know if i am doing things i want to do. But then, i'm only 17.. haha how the heck would i know what i'm meant for? I'm not psychic.

I grasp every opportunity thrown at me, because I'm so afraid of accidentally missing that moment.

You know, the.. life-determining moment that people have. when they come upon something, and suddenly they realize " shiet, this is what i want to do for the rest of my life. this is me. "

I think i live a very fulfilling life. I mean, i do anything that catches any part of my interest. Even if it is just a little portion of my interest... 

Yet, there are days that I sit down on my bed, and I contemplate about my day, and tears just roll down my face. I have no clue why. Maybe i just need an outlet, or maybe, i'm....... unhappy. 

I hope i'm not unhappy. 

Anyways, a lighter topic now (:

I finished watching boys before flowers!

haha

what a cheesy ending! and i'm not going to spill the ending, just in case somebody is watching the series.

I gotta say though, it's the best version of hana yori dango. 

oy vey, i think i ran out of creative juice

usually when i blog, i just start rambling like a mad woman .

but today, i guess i'm really tired.

which makes sense.

so i'm going to end it here. 

(: