guess who's back?

well it's no one special, or slim shady. as you all can see, after 6 days of not posting... (drum roll optional)

I'm BAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCKKKK!

Hopefully i am still of interest to my readers ( if they are at all existent). So, here goes. 

First off, a note to a person i care very much about. 

Do not worry, she'll come back. I know it. I'll pray for her, i'll pray for you. There are many people out there looking for her, for you. Rest assured. (:

Today, while i was walking along in my neighborhood, i suddenly was surprised by the sight of multiple gigantic black cars lined up covering the span of 2 whole blocks. i was basically standing there, in awe, thinking " what the F#&% is this...?" Then, i realized, it was a GRAD Party for a kid who is going to Cal State Fullerton. Not to be materialistic, unappreciative, and shallow, but hey.. where's my party? Referring to my parental units, " HI, I'M GRADUATING. TRY TO SHOW THAT YOU WILL MISS ME."

anyways, i think i'm changed for life. And, please do not ask what i am indicating. 

Now that there are only 4 days of school left, it seems that it is time to think back on my high school time span ( i mean. mostly because 4 years is pretty parallel to 4 days. yes?). I often wonder if i have left a mark in WHS. What i am implying is that, will people remember me? Did i do anything for the benefit of WHS? Did i contribute my part in high school? Man, i really hope i did. In these last few days, i want to end my 4 crucial years with a bang. I mean, i do not want to give up at the end. I want to ace all of my finals, and leave feeling content with what i have achieved. I'm praying that will be possible. 

Next, onto the topic of college... ugh. I sometimes ask myself if i'm doing the right thing, by going to a college mainly because my father wants it to be so. I know i will regret not taking the 54K offer from the college i've wanted to go to for so long. Every time i think about it, i can feel my stomach sink a little, signifying a " tiffany cheng, you are such a stupid ass. live your own life. not your father's." Although i am transferring to the school i want to go to in 2 years, i still think sometimes that i am digging a big black hole for myself. What are the chances of me getting good enough grades to transfer while i am studying in... berkeley. Am i going to have to slave and not sleep anymore in order to get to the goal i want... when i already have it so close at hand? Am i messing up my own future? Damn, i hope not. I want to confirm that i am making the right decision for splitting my college to fulfill both my father and my dream. Two years for the college he wants, and 2 years for the college i want, and then. ONTO graduate school.

Wow, am i going to miss everybody. I remember in the beginning of the year, i told myself that i would probably not miss anybody and just get out of high school attachment free. WHAT A LIE. I swear, I am going to cry because i will miss people so much. Oh, which reminds me. Want to know what my favorite moment at grad is? You probably guessed it. The instantaneous second when all the seniors throw up their caps. I love that moment. Is very awe-inspiring and moving. A symbol of freedom, independence and regeneration. I'm excited to be one of the people throwing those caps, I wonder what it will feel like within the symbol, instead of a bystander watching the real life symbol form. 

I want to go hiking again. I still remember the first time I went hiking, in Catalina, i think. It was pretty intense. It was raining, and so the hills were slippery, the path was intangible, and everything was enveloped in a mystifying fog. Quite beautiful, but quite hard to hike. We took longer than usual, and the whole time, everybody kept complaining about the length of the activity, and the hard-to-breathe surroundings. That moment when we got to the top of the hills, nobody uttered another word. From the tip-top of Cherry Cove, the rain stopped, the fog cleared, and the ocean was clear as ever. Even from such a great height, we could see the garibaldi swimming in the water. Spots of golden orange in waves of clear and turquoise blue. The result was definitely worth the struggle, and i thought at that moment, "wow, isn't that just the same as what we go through in life?" We are bound to face obstacles that make us want to give up and surrender. We are meant to keep going, however. Pass the obstacles and pain to find joy and happiness and fulfillment. That, is one of the most important things to keep at heart in life. In english class, Mrs. Arias showed us a video that i will never forget named " The Last Lecture." It was  a lecture written by a college professor diagnosed with incurable cancer. This "Last Lecture" is meant for 1 professor each year to give a lecture as if it is his/her last. Well, in 2007, when Randy Pausch gave this speech, it was literally his last lecture, seeing that in six months, he would be gone. There's one quote in that lecture that i admire, and want to live by.

" Brick walls are just to separate the people who want their dreams, and those that do not. They are to keep you going, and keep others out." Very true. If you want a goal, you have to work for it. If it's something you want, it is worth all the toil and trouble in the world. So what's a couple of brick walls? We can jump over them or break through them. Life is about pushing through. 

When i was 4, that winter of Shen Yang, China was one of the coldest winters recorded. I caught a fever so high, that doctors warned my parents that there is a chance that i would lose my hearing. My ears were the first to burn up. At the temperature i was carrying, my ears were supposed to overheat and malfunction. I think this is one of the miracles i have faced in my life. Somehow, after days of wandering through consciousness and unconsciousness, i fought through the fever. To my family's surprise, instead of losing my hearing, i gained ultra sensitive hearing instead. Strange. A slew of gratitude to God. 

Anyways, I really don't want a shot. Any shot that i can escape, i will escape. I HATE. Shots. Every time i receive a shot, it reminds me of those days of going to the hospital every other day to get treatment. Or of that one time when the intern nurse screwed up, and i ended up having a broken vein spewing blood endlessly. ugh. grossssss. No matter how old i am, i will cry when i get a shot. 

Alas, this blog shall be ended before i dominate the whole website with this one entry.

Writing again soon,

au revoir, mes amis importants

"Quelqu'un peut accomplir un rêve s'ils essaient."